Diba Ayten Yılmaz – 17 July 2007

Translated by Filiz Altıparmak from Turkish to English

The core of problems we are experiencing at the present time is related to our past experiences. The core may be due to a past life or to incidents that happened in our childhood. Having a child needs serious responsibility and it is an important task. And by fulfilling this task faults and lack may happen.

In this article I want to mention more about childhood abuse. Abuse can be divided into physical, verbal, emotional and sexual categories.

To begin with physical abuse such as smacking with house slippers (which seems to be a Turkish classical), slapping in the face and beating seriously. Smacking with slippers, mostly we laugh when we are telling about it, but even one slap in the face can influence a child as much as serious beating.

The power of words is so important! Even with one word or sentence said by a parent may influence a child’s life. Words and sentences are rooted in a child’s identity consciousness and do affect the child’s self-perception regarding beliefs such as self-confidence and self love.

Emotional abuse are cases such as not having emotional sharing with the child, not taking account of the child’s feelings, hurting the child’s feelings and putting emotional pressure on the her/him. As you can assume in such situations neither can a child live his/her feelings healthy nor can s/he express her/himself properly. In most cases s/he does alienate to own feelings.

Sexual abuse is the kind of abuse that affects the most and leaves the biggest traces in a human’s life. Sexuality is for us humans such a sensitive issue that even the slightest incident may leave a serious damage.

The traces of sexual abuse are mostly seen in close relations such as partner-lover which can show themselves as problems in an adult’s sexual life. Especially in a time when a child is around four years old where the sexual identity takes shape parents have to be much more carefully. This is something I have already mentioned in my other article “Mothers, please read this article”. At this ages a child who begins to discover her/his own sexuality.  This period of time is a natural physical growth which happens likewise in the puberty. S/he begins to experiment sexuality with his/her own body and also with the near environment. It also happens between little boys and sometimes it may end up with abuse.

In the puberty the child continues to discover and grow. Fathers and mothers may abuse their children sexually intentionally or unintentionally. The vulnerable child does comprehend everything later in the adulthood.

A 9-10 years old girl whose breasts began to grow newly has been touched at her breast jokefully/out of fun by the father. Although the father didn’t do it in an abusive way the daughter felt disgusted and began to stay away from the father.

Nowadays mothers and fathers are much more attentive with their children. But yet this attention should be in a moderate manner. Parents who call their child “lover” may use this word as term of endearment, but for a 4-5 years old child who just begins to understand the meaning of this “innocent” word, it may negatively effect his/her sexual tendency as s/he reaches puberty.

A 4-5 years old boy saw one morning his parents making love and this innocent act did leave a serious traumatic effect on this child. He ran crying out of the house, up to the end of the street. From this day forth the child “shut down” and started having serious difficulties while interacting with other people. He was surprised when as an adult he came to know how this event had influenced his point of view anddetermined his whole life negatively.

Sexual discoveries that happen to begin as a game with the older brother may end up with abuse for the little girl. As if this wouldn’t affect the child traumatically enough, in addition she has to face the reaction of the parents when they come to know about it. In such cases as the children grow up, they fathom what had happened to them and begin to feel negatively towards those people.

First of all if mothers and fathers can solve their own problems which come from their childhood or the traces from past lives they may be able to raise their children emotionally, physically and with sexual education much healthier.

It is parents duty to teach their children about sexuality in an appropriate way. But if you think you can’t do it, you’d better get professional help. Parents of older generation haven’t had any education therefore they didn’t know what to do. Naturally their children had the same problems and didn’t know what to do.  For this reason it is time to break this chain of faults through conscious parents. As mothers and fathers begin to solve their own problems which are related with childhood experiences and traces of past lives, they will be able to raise their children emotionally and physically and as well as in sexual matters more healthy.

The most important responsibility which mothers have to take is to be more aware and carefully just by observing whether the sexual development of their own children happens in appropriate conditions. If necessary you can consult a pedagogue or a therapist.

If one of the parents is suspicious about the approach of his/her partner towards their child, s/he may bring up this issue to speak about it separately with the partner and the child. Most parents do things out of love and they aren’t aware of that what they do may initially stimulate the child’s sexual feelings. However, this kind of behavior affects the child’s inner world.

Mothers, should your child begin to stay away or avoid a man from the family or from outside, you must speak to your child immediately and ask whether something is wrong or not. Children may sense the abuse but out of fear of the parents’ reaction they might keep silent.

A girl, who was playing with her friend from the primary school at her friend’s house, has been molested by the grandfather of this house. Because her mother warned her from this kind of situations she kept away from her friend’s house. But in most cases the children don’t tell their parents this kind of incidents. But usually in such situations the child hesitates telling it to her/his parents. Although s/he doesn’t comprehend what happens yet s/he knows something is wrong.

In my regression sessions in cases such as abuse or rape the client does release all emotions filled with anger and rage regarding this abuse. The feedbacks I have been receiving after those sessions’ show that the client won’t have any longer the negative feelings like before the session. And they also gain a feeling of relief, which is obviously visible. And next step is to solve problems in relationships which are related to this problem. After releasing those negative energies the client is to be able to recover from the problem.

Please teach your children to protect themselves by staying away from situation where they feel “uncomfortable” with. Also should you encourage them to tell you everything about this kind of incidents.  The more open and easy your relationship with your child is the more you can provide him/her a environment for a healthy development.

It is our duty to protect our vulnerable children and watch over them.

With Love and Blessings